Deep Roads Adventure
by brightspot149
Summary: Starts at the end of Act I, starting with prepping for the journey to the Deep Roads. Most events close to cannon, some word for word dialog, but explores characters and events at a deeper level, including FenrisxHawke (F)
1. Chapter 1

Clea Hawke had done all Varic had told her Bartrand would ask for. Maps from Anders and enough coin collected from various jobs during her few years in Kirkwall. She gathered a deep breath as she continued in a straight line across the courtyard in Hightown toward the dwarf that had to be Bartrand. She heard the footsteps of Varric, her sister, and Merril behind, boosting her confidence. Hawke was aware that she tended to have an… intimidating presence, but this hid her true, sometimes timid nature. She was a warrior afterall, so courage in battle was not a question and people often stared at the one large blade on her back. Maybe it was also a lack of overt femininity that drew stares: her toned body, lack of figure-accentuating clothing, and thick, sleek, shoulder-length dark brown hair pulled into a low ponytail. No matter her appearance, Clea sensed this dwarf wouldn't care. Heck, he might not even notice.

Hawke was about to speak when Bartrand began speaking, but with his eyes leveled on Varric's. "Varric! Where did you get off to? And what are you planning?"

Varric stepped forward, taking a jovial tone which seemed odd in contract to Bartrand's. However, Varric often responded in a light-hearted manner, no matter the situation which was one of the attributes Hawke valued most in the dwarf. "Bartrand! So suspicious! I have, in fact, brought us our future partner!"

There had been two major reasons why Hawke had agreed to this deal with a dwarf she didn't know. The first was that she needed the coin. There was no denying that. Staying two years with her dead-beat uncle was enough. Her mother and sister deserved more. The second was that, quite frankly, she was getting restless. In Ferelden she was free to explore and move around as she pleased. Kirkwall was so overcroweded and confining. The deep roads weren't exactly an open Ferelden field, but it sure seemed better than remaining cooped up in stuffy Kirkwall forever. _What is the worst that could happen?_ She had thought when making the decision. Now, even though Bartrand appeared shady to say the least, she at least knew Varric had her back. Hawke smiled a little.

"What? Partner? You stupid, nug-humping dirt farmer! Why did you go promising something like that?"

Varric had prepared Clea for a response like this, so she continued to hold her ground next to Varric. "Because if we don't get this expedition moving, Brother, then we won't have any profits to argue about, will we?" Varric had skillfully trapped Bartrand; offering him something he couldn't come up with on his own.

"Hmph," Bartrand goaned, his sign of defeat. "Maybe you have a point."

Silence settled, and Hawke decided not to break it. She assumed this was a rare moment for Varric and didn't want to ruin it. Bartand was the once to break the silence with forcefulness back in his voice, "What I'd love is the coin to back up my brother's confidence. How about it human?"

When Hawke had asked Varric about his brother's plans for the trip, he had mentioned that his brother was not the most honest business man. Hawke could see that now and considered asking Bartrand about what her share would be, but figured that discussing this on the expedition might be better. She wanted to impress him with the coin and map first, then prove her worth on the trip itself. "I do have your coin," she replied, pulling the bag of coins from a loop on her armor and moving it out and down, toward Bartrand."

"You're joking." He appeared genuinely surprised.

Hawke took a breath to respond, but Varric beat her to it. "What did I tell you, Bartrand? Not bad for a human."

_Thanks, friend_, she thought.

"All right partner. Full share of the profit between you, me, and Varric."

Better than Hawke expected. She nodded, a smile daring to curve her lips.

"Now we just need a decent entrance into the Deep Roads."

The smile crept all the way across her lips. Hawke reached into her gauntlets where she had stored the important papers. "These might be just what we need."

Bartrand gently opened the maps and examined them. "What's this?" he exclaimed, eyebrows high. He looked up from the maps and straight at Hawke, for the first time since meeting her, "Three… four entrances into the Deep Roads, all in the Free Marches? Where did you get these?"

Varric responded immediately, "Did I tell you we could find Grey Warden? Mother did raise a fool. Well… she didn't raise two of them."

Hawke found herself snickering under her breath.

Bartrand turned away from the groups and appeared to ignore the last part of Varric's statement. "Well, color me astounded! We just pick the most promising one and go! Make sure you have all you need, we will be gone for several weeks at least."

Hawke nodded in affirmation.

"Let me know as soon as you are ready and we'll head out," Bartrand added eagerly. Hawke turned to leave, sharing a meaningful glance with Varric, when she heard Bartrand's voice once again. "Oh and human, this is a limited-crew expedition. We are only taking who and what we _really_ need. That means you can only take… three others besides yourself," he had one arm crossed over his chest with that hand resting in the crook of his other arm, and the hand of that arm was tapping an indistinguishable beat onto his bearded chin.

Hawke had turned back to face the dwarf, "Whatever it takes to let me go with you. Does Varric count as one of my three?"

"Of course. He certainly doesn't count as one of mine." Bartrand snorted and walk away with a few of his men how had been present with him.

Once Bartrand was out of earshot and Hawke and her group were walking back toward Lowtown, Hawke said to no one in particular, "The brotherly love is so thick in the air I can barely breathe."

Varric chuckled. "I guess not all of us can have great relationships with our siblings," he looked at both Bethany and Clea who walked side by side. All three shared a smile.

"Batrand didn't seem like a very kind brother to me, "Merril chimed in with her Dalish-elf lilt.

"Hawke was using sarcasm, Daisy," Varric informed the elf with a smile. Varric's words however did not seem to erase the confused look on Merril's face.

Bethany stepped ahead to walk side-by-side with Merril to again explain the basics of sarcasm. Varric had told Bethany not to bother a couple of weeks ago, stating that maybe it was better to have the innocence of a child, but Bethany hadn't agreed, saying that Merril had to have enough street smarts to feel confident and stay safe in Kirkwall. Varric remained beside Hawke. "Thanks for taking me with you. Or, at least it sounds like you wanted to. Looks like you've got no way out of it now."

"Of course I am taking you, Varric. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be going on this expedition in the first place. Plus, it is your flesh-and-blood brother who is leading it. And, where would I be without my trusty dwarf?" Hawke saw this bring a smile to his face. After first meeting him, she had quickly been able to join in with his sarcasm and witty banter. She had really appreciated all of the advice and friendship he had provided over the last few years, waiting for her to prepare for this trip.

"Probably stuck in your dead-beat uncle's house forever."

Hawke snorted, looking ahead. "I am very much looking forward to this chapter of my life to be over. And ready to get out of Kirkwall."

"You can say that again. Though I will miss the Hanged Man…"

"What do you say we have a celebration tonight? Before we leave tomorrow. Maybe I can announce then who will be going with us."

"So you know who else you are going to take?" Varric inquired, looking up at her.

Hawke continued to stare straight forward. "Not a clue."


	2. Chapter 2

This was proving to be more difficult than Clea had imagined. Upon arriving at her uncle's home she had shared the news with her mother, expecting her to be excited. Gamlin was out of the house, doing goodness knows what, and Bethany and Clea were putting away their weapons and taking off their armor. "But what if something happens to both of you while you are down there?" her mother had asked, brows creased in concern.

"It's either the Templars or the darkspawn, and at least I could fight the darkspawn," Bethany said sternly and leaned her staff on wall by the fire place.

Her mother had sighed in exasperation and moved toward the door. With her hand on the door she had said in Hawke's direction, "I hope you know what you are doing."

Hawke still hadn't decided. She was currently sitting on her bedroll, back leaning against the wall, trying to decide, weighing both tactics and personality traits. Thinking of taking both Fenris and Anders made her audibly exhale. She continued to sharpen her large blade as she thought. Though the two were mildly entertaining together, she knew that putting them in such a close proximity for so long had the potential for some sort of explosion. _Anders has his clinic to tend to_, she thought, _and Fenris is… holed up in Hightown doing… whatever he does. _Clea turned her blade over. _Avaline certainly can't go now that she is in charge of the Guard, and seems to have a thing for her fellow guard member… Merril is sweet but her tendency to get lost could slow us down. Isabella is a great rogue, but I am sure that she is hiding something. I want to trust everyone with me._ This left Clea with one last option. _Bethany. I want to keep you safe, but your magic is irreplaceable…_ Bethany had made her wishes clear, telling Clea and her mother that she wanted to go.

Slowly the spots began to fill in. _Varric, of course, Bethany, and I could use the extra blade Fenris would provide. _She sighed and set her blade down feeling accomplished. As Hawke picked up the apple beside her and took a bite, Bethany walked in the room.

"Almost ready, sister? It is about time we get to the Hanged Man."

Hawke swallowed and stood, gesturing toward the doorway with her hand holding the apple. "After you." She noticed that Bethany was wearing her finest robe, the bright colors contrasting with her short black hair. "Trying to look extra nice for someone special?"

Bethany smiled and blushed, picking up her staff from beside the fireplace. "It is a celebration, isn't it?"

Hawke smirked. "I suppose." She laced up her boots, wearing less armor than she normally would, but still not fully casual.

"Decided not to wear anything special tonight?"

"Hey, at least they are clean!" Hawke had in fact washed the brown pants and green shirt in lavender water, hoping to at least appeal to the nose if she couldn't to the eyes. She picked up her armor pads to put over her shirt, but Bethany rested a hand on them, stopping her.

"You will be wearing these for an unknown amount of time. How about you give them a rest tonight."

Hawke looked Bethany in the eyes and set them back down. They then both looked at their mother who had fallen asleep in the chair by the fireplace. "We can say goodbye tomorrow. Let's go."

Dark had fallen and it had become much cooler. They turned a final corner and pushed open the door to the Hanged Man. Hawke felt naked without her large blade and the weight of her armor. She put her hand on her belt to feel the small blade of steel to reassure herself. The tavern was full of life with laughter, talking, and the occasional song that sounded as if it was voiced by those who had drunk too much. Hawke spotted Varric at a table in the back. Their eyes met and he waved her and Bethany over.

"Have a seat, Hawke! We were just talking about you!"

Hawke's eyes swiftly swept the table, taking inventory of who was present. Merril and Isabella sat on either side of Varric, Anders across from Varric, and Aveline a seat down from Anders. Bethany filled the spot between Aveline and Anders, so Clea sat next to Anders, guessing that if Fenris showed he would rather take his chances sitting next to Isabella than Anders. There was a moment of silence, but Isabella was quick to break it. "So, sweet-thing, who are the lucky three?" She took a sip and placed her glass back on the table, pushing the rest of the contents toward Hawke. Hawke saw Anders' funny look out of the corner of her eye as she took a drink. _He's probably thinking about what diseases I might be contracting._ Clea chuckled a little as she swallowed and put the glass down.

Hawke crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't think it is fair to announce when all aren't yet present."

"I don't know if Broody is coming. Sounds to me like he and Blondie had a spat earlier."

Hawke turned to her left. "What happened?"

"He and I just got into a little argument earlier that's all. But you know how he holds grudges. I doubt he will want to be in the same room as me for a while." His cheeks were tinged pink.

Hawke decided it was best she didn't know details._ Best not to become a third party in their ever-present hostilities_. "Alright, we will proceed without him." She could feel all eyes on her, and made an effort to connect hers with all of the other sets. "Varric of course is coming, but he knew that."

"Someone has to keep that Bartrand in line…" he said and took a sip of his ale.

Hawke continued. "It took a lot of weighing the positives and negatives, and I might be making a mistake, but… Bethany." All heads turned toward Bethany, and Hawke could feel the breath run out of Anders like a popped balloon. _He must be glad he doesn't have to enter those blasted Deep Roads. Or was that disappointment?_ The group gave their congratulations. "And, the final member of the four person group isn't here…"

The table got quiet.

"Hawke, are you sure?" This time it was Aveline who spoke up. "He is a fine warrior but, are you sure you can trust him?"

"He hasn't shown me otherwise, and I need the extra blade." Hawke was beginning to feel uncomfortable. "I'll just tell him later. Let's enjoy the night, shall we?" Hawke raised her glass and smiles spread across all faces at the table. "Here's to opportunity." The sound of clinking glass joined with laughter and hope.

"I'll see you soon sister." Hawke grabbed her blade from her bedside and turned from Bethany who was just crawling into bed. Clea had left after only a few drinks, wanting to make sure she was capable of the long trip the next day. Aveline and, surprisingly, Varric had followed suit. The other four had remained in the tavern, and Hawke could only imagine what had taken place in her absence with. She had chuckled a little thinking of the possibilities. Merril drunk was quite a sight.

Hawke stepped out into the late-night darkness, which had gotten considerably colder. She needed to let Fenris know that they were leaving that day and he was coming. If he happened to refuse, she had in mind to ask Anders. His healing abilities would be a close second in valuability. The weight of her weapon on her back was comforting as she headed to the Hightown mansion, keeping her senses alert. Hawke had to admit a few things to herself. First, she was scared; scared that the mission would be for nothing, scared that something would happen to Bethany or to her mother while they were gone. And second, if she was being honest with herself, Fenris' warrior abilities were not the only reason she wanted him along…

Once at the mansion door, she gave a few knocks, but he did not answer. She let herself in, as she often did, and walked into the main room, heading up the stairs and toward the room he typically occupied. The door was shut. She debating leaving, not wanting to know what would happen if she woke him up, but knew she had to speak to him. She put a hand on her weapon's hilt, and knocked sturdily with the other. She heard a voice, but it was faint. She leaned toward the door to hear the voice better, and the door opened a little. She heard his voice clearly through the gap.

"Hawke… I… need you." Clea froze. He mumbled her name again among other indistinguishable words. When she heard low moaning she decided to knock harder, this time on the door frame. His voice and noises stopped. She heard shuffling and backed a few steps away from the door, unsure of how he would react. The door slowly creaked opened. "Hawke?" He appeared genuinely surprised. Clea wasn't sure if this was due to her being there so late, or early, or the fact that she was wearing barely any armor. His tousled white hair hung in his eyes and he was slightly hunched over, bracing one hand on the door and the other on something just beyond the door frame. It was odd seeing him in just his leggings and a loose shirt with no weapon. His great sword was leaned against the door frame just inside his room. Was his left hand on resting on the hilt?

"I, uh, came to talk to you. If you don't mind." Her stomach twisted. _Am I nervous? Why am I nervous? It's just Fenris._

He paused for a moment, staring at her, until he pushed the door all the way open and walked over to a chair in front of the fireplace. He gestured for Hawke to sit in the chair opposite him. "What is it, then?" he mumbled in his graveled voice, chin resting in his hands, elbows on his knees, eyes toward the fire.

"We leave for the Deep Roads Expedition tomorrow, err… tonight." Hawke paused, wondering if he would understand. Their eyes locked. He knew.

"When?"

"We are meeting here in High Town at dusk."

His face twisted. "What of the mage?"

"_Anders_ isn't coming." Hawke didn't completely trust mages, especially ones who had another… occupant, but growing up with Bethany had enhanced her understanding. Anders was still human and she hoped Fenris would come to this realization at some point. The constant tension between him and Anders was tiring. "Bethany is though. And Varric."

He looked to the fire again and sat back, arms crossing over his chest. "I will be there."

"Thank you, Fenris. Your extra sword and skill is much appreciated."

He did not move, eyes still on the fire. And to Hawke's surprise, he didn't ask her to leave with his words or body language. She sat back, enjoying the silence that had fallen between them and his presence. She wondered what he was thinking about. Maybe he was wondering if she had heard him while he had been sleeping…

His voice was quiet. "Thank you, Hawke. I haven't given you much reason to trust me, but you do. This is… unexpected, but appreciated."

Hawke gave the comment some space before speaking up. "I wanted a skilled team of people I also wouldn't mind the companionship of. We will be gone for an unknown amount of time." Hawke noticed Fenris stiffen. The fire was casting shadows against his face and hair, creating interesting colors and shapes. _Did I say too much?_

Silence once again took over. He was difficult to figure out, to know when one had said the right or wrong thing. Maybe it was too soon to say something so sincere, or he was having a difficult time believing it. But it was true, Clea had grown quite fond of the handsome, broody elf. "I apologize for waking you."

_ Was that a blush? _"Not necessary." He reached for a bottle of wine on the table between them and offered it to her.

"I shouldn't have any more before tomorrow, but thank you." Any other time she would have jumped at the chance to accept, but she needed to be clear-headed to prep for the journey. Clea began to notice the amount of empty bottles scattered around the room and began to wonder if he too should take a break.

"Don't worry about me, Hawke. I can hold my liquor."

Clea's eyes moved to the floor and she eased her back into the chair. "We missed you at the Hanged Man."

Fenris snorted into his bottle and swallowed before answering. "By _we_ do you mean everyone except the _abomination_?"

"It was mentioned you two had a 'spat'." Clea looked up at him from the floor, but his eyes remained fixed on the fire. He gave no indication of a comment. "But I think he would have understood your presence. We don't know what this expedition will hold and when, or if, we will return."

Fenris again remained silent. Clea wondered if Fenris felt any attachment to anyone. She knew his life had been difficult, but hoped the potential for trust in others was still in him somewhere. Her thoughts momentarily flitted back to hearing a sleeping Fenris mumble her name. She wanted to allow herself to think he cared for her, but that seemed dangerous. The awake Fenris was much more guarded and difficult to read. The silence remained, and Clea began to feel uncomfortable. She sat forward in her seat, preparing to leave when Fenris finally looked her direction and spoke. "Hawke, I… appreciate the opportunity." Clea nodded in response, making eye contact. Fenris continued, "Do you require any assistance for the preparation?"

_Those eyes…_ "Umm… I could use some help choosing weapons to take with us. Varric already has Bianca and I think Anders said he was going to help Bethany choose a staff. You can come with me to the market later today to look at swords." It was his turn to nod. "We can only take one bag, but bring as much as you can fit. No telling what, or who, we will run into." Hawke fully rose from her seat and left the room. Before closing the door behind her, she felt his eyes burning the back of her neck.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hawke, wake up!" Clea groaned at the sound of her sister's voice. "We are going to the market, are you coming?"

_Weapon searching with Fenris… _This caused the warrior to open her eyes. "I'm coming… Give me a minute." She watched her sister leave the bedroom, confident that she had sufficiently woken her. After stretching, Clea headed to the washroom to clean up. She had meant what she said to Fenris last night; the very real possibility of not returning descended on her. Spending the evening with her companions had been just what she needed, but she wanted to continue to build those friendships. Bethany was an asset, but Clea couldn't shake her mind of the dreadful possibilities. When finished, she donned her full armor and joined her sister in the main room. "Where is Anders?"

"He told me last night he would meet me in the market."

The blood drained from Clea's face. "I told Fenris the same thing." Both sisters hurried out the door, giving their mother a quick kiss on the cheek. The heavy weight of the sword on Hawke's back reassured her that if things had gone poorly, she had a backup plan. Both sisters rounded the corner at the beginning of the booths.

Clea heard Fenris' deep voice over the crowd, "I told you, stay away from her." She quickly spotted the shock of white hair amid the crowd and ran straight for him.

"Fenris! There you are." Hawke stopped just short of running into him, and worked to slow her breathing. "Are you ready?" Bethany had stopped beside her, and looked to Anders, seemly also seeking an answer to the same question. Fenris turned and walked away without saying a word. Clea followed closely behind until he slowed behind a booth. "I'm sorry," she said, "clearly I didn't think this through."

Fenris held her gaze for a few more beats then turned his attention to one of the booths next to them. Both focused on the vast array of weapons before them. Hawke couldn't help but wonder what the two had been discussing when she found them. She bit her lip until a more appropriate time to ask arose. After choosing a blade, she traded in her old one and paid the difference. As she placed the new one on her back, she noticed Fenris had favored one as well. She leaned close and said in a low voice, "I have some extra coin. From _our_ missions I mean. Do you like that one?"

He didn't make eye contact, but after a pause, nodded slightly.

Hawke took that as a yes and paid the merchant the difference for Fenris' old sword he traded in and the new one. The two set off down the street, going in no particular direction. "Thanks, Hawke," he mumbled. Hawke smiled in return, acknowledging the effort it probably took him to utter those words. Looking ahead as they walked, she noticed how many people stared at Fenris and his unique markings. She had forgotten how conspicuous he was and how inconspicuous he needed to be to keep others from bothering him unnecessarily. Clea began to lead them toward Hightown, aiming for the mansion that his magister had once occupied. She had walked with him many a time before, but she realized this was the first time he was not trailing behind with two others on a specific mission.

When they reached his mansion, she turned to leave, but Fenris stopped her with his words. "I was going to try out my new blade, if you would like to join me."

Clea swallowed her large smile as to not seem too eager. "Sounds like a smart idea. What use is an improved weapon if the wielder does not use it efficiently?" She followed him into the mansion, both walking through the entry and stopping in the large room with the two staircases leading to Fenris' bedroom. Both drew their new large weapons and took a fighting stance about 15 feet apart. Clea was suddenly nervous. She had dueled friends for training back in Ferelden, but there had been a mutual understanding among her friends of how aggressive one could be. Fenris' style was also different than hers, which she had noticed during various fights. His markings often flared while fighting, and Hawke assumed this improved his stamina as well as enhanced his fighting ability.

They began to move in a slow circle, neither making the first move. She noticed how tense his lean, muscled body was, and how his markings began to light up. A majority of his markings were hidden as he was in his full armor, but she particularly noticed the ones just below his lips. Clea blinked to refocus. She feigned a step forward, but then pulled back.

"You won't hurt me, Hawke. I will block." The slightest smirk pulled one corner of his lips upward.

Clea readjusted her grip and quickly stepped forward with her left, then landed on her right with her sword crashing into his at shoulder height. He kept the swords connected and used the leverage to push her back as he stepped forward, throwing her off balance. He then moved his sword in a quick arch, stopping just short of slicing her abdomen. Hawke let out a frustrated growl.

"Would you like me to show you, Hawke?" he asked as he lowered his blade.

Clea nodded as she regained her footing. To her surprise, he sheathed he sword and came up behind her, placing his hands on the grip of her sword with hers. She was eager to learn, but her brain had gone fuzzy and her muscles had become weak.

"Your lead was strong, but instead of stopping with the strike," Fenris walked with her as they repeated her movements up to the strike at the imaginary Fenris, "step again with your left with the blades still connected to force them back, then as you step again with your right," Clea felt his muscled arms help hers raise the blade above their heads, "bring the sword around and strike when they are off guard." The sword stopped just short of the ground on the word "strike". Once the blade was lowered, she felt Fenris' heat leave her back, and she let out a breath she wasn't aware she had been holding. Both were breathing a little heavy, and neither met the others' eyes. "Thanks, Fenris," she said, turning to face him, but still looking at the floor.

"Hawke, I-"

Suddenly, the front door of his mansion swung open. Varric stood there with a big goofy grin on his face. "There you two are!" he declared, stretching both arms out and walking into the main room. "We've been looking for you all over!"

"_We_?" Clea asked as she sheathed her sword and walked toward Varric.

"Your mother and I. Well, and everybody else, too. I know we had a few drinks last night, but your mom wanted a little going away party."

"The Hanged Man?"

"In my room. The only ones missing are you two."

Clea snorted. "I bet that is making for some great rumors."

Varric chuckled as Fenris and Hawke followed him toward the door. "Oh you have no idea."

Clea turned to Fenris and spoke in a low voice. "You don't have to come." When he gave no response, her heart warmed. Maybe what she had said earlier had gotten to him. Either way, it would be nice to have him present.

Hawke was grateful for Varric using his private room. It was snug, but everyone had a seat at the table and it was much quieter than the noise she could her lofting up the stairs. Everyone had been mingling, but Varric had set a meal on the table and had asked Hawke to say a few words. She sat at the head of the table, with her mom to her right and Fenris to her left. Her sister was next to her mother, and Anders was strategically at the end of the table on the same side as Fenris so that it was difficult to see each other. Everyone was present, even Avaline and her uncle.

The voices quieted when Clea stood, and she began, coming up with the words on the spot. "Thanks, everyone, for coming. I really… it means a lot." As she spoke, she met everyone's eyes, lingering a little longer on the eyes of a certain white-haired elf. "When we came to Kirkwall, we didn't have any expectations beyond the hope of survival. But you all have made the last year or so bearable, and at times even enjoyable." As she looked around, all had smiles except Fenris who appeared to be deeply contemplating something. "Now we have a great opportunity, thanks to Varric, of which the spoils will be shared with all of you. You all have put in a lot of work to help make this happen." She paused before continuing, thinking of specific examples of how Aveline had put her job on the line and how Anders had risked being discovered. "Here's to many more, prosperous, years!" Clea raised her glass, and everyone else's' followed, all taking a drink.

As she sat down, everyone began to partake in the meal, herself included. "When do you leave?" her mother asked, after washing down her chicken with a drink. Hawke had never seen her mother so concerned. She hadn't told her mother she intended to bring Bethany, but she sensed her mother already knew she wouldn't want to leave her sister behind.

"Tonight. You can be there if you like." This seemed to ease her mother's brow, but she gave to verbal answer.

After dinner, the mingling resumed and a game of wicked grace was about to commence. The mood was light, and Clea felt refreshed by the re-telling of memorable stories and laughter. She was about to excuse herself, when she saw the group that was going to play. It consisted of Isabella, Merrill, Varric, Anders, and Fenris. This, she had to see. She sat down in front of the fire next to her sister to observe. "So, sister, are you ready?" Bethany asked.

"I'm all packed, if that is what you mean. How about you?"

"I think so." Bethany fidgeted a little. "Anders helped me find a better staff, and even showed me a few healing spells."

Clea let a pause hang before speaking. "Are you re-thinking going?"

"No," she answered quickly, brows creased just like her mothers'. "I mean, from what Anders says, the Deep Roads are not a place we should linger, but I want to come." She looked to her feet as Clea continue to nurse her drink and turned her attention back to the game. It looked as if Isabella was winning. "Clea?" Hawke turned her attention back to her sister. "Do you think… Anders might be jealous?"

Clea snorted, but kept her voice low. "You heard him, he wouldn't mind never getting close to the Deep Roads again."

"No, I mean…" Bethany kept her eyes down and couldn't sit still. "…jealous of Fenris." Clea almost dropped her drink. The argument between Fenris and Anders yesterday and today, Bethany's effort in appearance last night at the Hanged Man; the pieces fit together, knocking the breath out of her.

"I… uh… I don't know, Bethany. You like Anders, don't you?" She simply nodded in response.

"Do you?" Bethany asked, looking to her sister.

"No, I don't," she spoke honestly. Hawke had already asked herself this question, unsure at first. But after today with Fenris, she was more sure. "Make sure you get some time with him this afteroon before you leave. Maybe even tell him how you feel." A silence settled on the sisters, and Hawke put her arm around Bethany's shoulders as they watched the game approach what appeared to be the conclusion.

"Aww, Broody! Come on!" Varric shouted, tossing his own cards on the table. It appeared Fenris had won.

As the game wound down, Hawke stood along with her sister to leave. After locating their mother, the girls said their goodbyes and headed toward the door. "Remember, Varric, at dusk!" Clea leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. "And thanks for today."

"You are most welcome, Hawke."

Before the three women could leave, Aveline, Fenris, and Anders also appeared to be preparing to leave. All six walked out into the afternoon light and paused before deciding which direction to go. Aveline spoke up first, "I can walk you home, Leandra."

"Thank you dear," Leandra said, taking Aveline's arm and walking in the direction of Gamlin's home. Clea was about to suggest Bethany follow when she noticed she and Anders had gone in the opposite direction, toward the clinic. Maybe they were going to have that chat she had suggested.

Clea sighed and turned to follow Aveline and her mother. Fenris' hand on her shoulder stopped her. He immediately retracted it. "Hawke. Would you like to take a walk with me?" Clea then remembered how Varric had interrupted something Fenris was going to say. She got goose bumps thinking of the possibilities. She simply nodded, and walked in step beside him, going nowhere specific. While she was attracted to him, part of her was also nervous. She knew some of his past and quickly deduced that achieving any type of close relationship with him would be complicated. It was difficult to not get her hopes up, but she decided she would let him make all the first moves.

"I am surprised your sister-mage is coming with us."

Hawke felt herself flinch internally at his term for the girl she had always protected and cared about. She didn't always trust mages either, but she trusted and loved Bethany. Fenris would need to change his tone and attitude toward her at least. "I am taking _Bethany_ because she is a strong asset to the team. Would you prefer Anders?" This conversation was not going the way she imagined.

"I'm sorry, Hawke. I respect your decision. I was just curious. I have observed you care much for her and am surprised you are willing to take such a risk."

Hawke had wondered this for weeks as the time for choosing a team had drawn near.

During all the walking in the Deep Roads, the group had attempted to ease the tension by entertaining each other. Varric had told many stories, and Clea decided it was time to ask questions. She had quickly come up with the rules: each person got a turn and was able to ask the others three questions each. Bethany and Varric were excited, but Fenris appeared less enthusiastic.

"Who wants to ask questions first?" Clea asked as she turned her head to face the others. The four of them were toward the back of the caravan, making sure nothing ambushed them from behind.

"Me!" Bethany squeeled as she sped up to walk by Hawke. "And I want you ask _you_ questions first."

Hawke remained quiet as Bethany hummed in thought. "Who is, or was, your favorite sibling?"

Clea's step faltered. She had been expecting a light-hearted question.

"And don't say you don't have a favorite," Bethany cautioned.

"I can't really compare you and Carver. I suppose my relationship with you is stronger. We didn't, and don't, fight much. I spend a lot of my time protecting you, and I enjoy it. Carver and I fought a lot and disagreed on many things, but I really miss him."

This answer appeared to satisfy her sister. "Me too." Silence settled. Bethany dropped back some, potentially to include the others in her next question. "What is your most embarrassing moment?"

Hawke couldn't help a burst of laughter, and Varric joined in. "This, I _have_ to hear."

"Hmm. Let me think about this one." Her most embarrassing moment that came to mind first she wasn't about to share with a certain white-haired elf present."Well, back in Ferelden while I was training, we had an obstacle course we had to run in a certain amount of time. I finished first, but as soon as I crossed the line, I got sick all over the Captain. _All_ over."

Varric howled with laughter. "I guess winning comes at a cost! But come on Hawke, is that really your most embarrassing moment?"

"Why don't you create one for me then, Varric?"

"You are still young. I'm sure I can set up situations for you to create your own embarrassing moments."

Clea rolled her eyes. "Fantastic!" She could sense Fenris was feeling out of place and wanted to be done answering questions. "One more, Sister."

"What will you do with all the riches we get form this expedition?"

Hawke was thankful for an easy question. "Buy back our estate in Hightown. Give you and mother the place you deserve. Make sure the money is spread evenly between everyone. Then use the rest to buy new equipment."

"You are the logical one." Bethany elbowed her playfully.

"Well, what will you do?"

"Buy drinks for everyone. Have a night of celebration!"

"You are the fun one," Clea elbowed her back.

"I like Bethany's idea better. Sorry, Hawke," Varric said.

The four continued to reminisce and laugh as Bethany asked Varric questions about his favorite games as a kid, the worst trick he ever played on Bartrand, and how he fell in love with telling stories. Hawke was surprised she hadn't asked about Bianca. She would save that for one of her questions for him. Clea had a feeling her sister had saved Fenris for last on purpose. Bethany always seemed uncomfortable around him and was likely afraid of setting him off.

"So, Fenris…" she was clearly having difficulty coming up with a question that wasn't too deep. Fenris was a deep well of mystery so potential questions abounded, but he was also very guarded. "What is your favorite thing about Kirkwall?"

Surprisingly, she saw his cheeks tinge pink, then quickly fade. "The rats. Defiantly the rats."

Varric chortled. "Did Broody just tell a joke?"

"I'm capable of them, too, Dwarf."

Bethany smiled. Her question had been well-received. "Who is your favorite team to work with on missions?"

Hawke was very interested in his answer. "I believe this team here is the most tolerable." _Leave it to Fenris to down-play his own preferences._

"Hear that, Bethany?" Varric joked, "We're tolerable!"

"Such an honor," she answered back. "Thank you, Fenris."

"Personally, I'm surprised he didn't say Blondie and Daisy."

It was Fenris' turn to chortle. "Only if they had a death wish."

"I purposefully make sure that doesn't happen," Hawke mumbled under her breath.

"Now, Fenris, you ask questions!" Bethany exclaimed.

"If I must." He asked some rather thoughtful questions of Bethany and Varric. He'd asked Bethany her favorite memory and Varric his favorite story he had ever told. She could tell the others were also surprised at the sincerity of his questions.

Hawke was nervous he had left her for last. Unlike the others, he didn't look at her when he asked, but had picked up his stride to walk next to her. "What do you miss most about Ferelden?" Hawke was taken aback by this question. The one thing she hadn't talked about much in Kirkwall was her home. The back of her eyes stung.

"The rain." Their group, and the caravan as a whole had become quiet; she lowered her voice to match. "I know it rains in Kirkwall, but it's a different kind. The rain in Ferelden is not a mist, it is a strong, cleansing downpour. It wipes everything clean and leaves a scent that can't be replicated." Hawke swallowed hard. Reminiscing was difficult for her. After some silence, she cleared her throat. "Next question?" When she looked to Fenris, she saw a tear stain on his cheek.

It was finally time to make camp. They were getting close. They had found Bodan's boy, and the creatures were becoming tougher and more numerous. Hawke had a feeling something big was coming, or something bad was going happen. She had tried to keep herself busy by scouting ahead, talking with the others, or sharpening her blade. Now that she was setting up her and Bethany's tent, and tiredness was beginning to set in, her thoughts were getting difficult to control. Almost everyone else had already made camp and settled in for the night.

Bethany gathered her things and looked at Hawke as she neared the tent. "Are you coming, Sister?"

"Soon. I have a lot on my mind."

"Alright," Bethany said as she tossed her stuff in the tent. "Just don't go too far."

Hawke nodded and wove her way around the mass of tents and sleeping sacks. They had found a clearing in the rock formations. The ceiling was high, and it looked as if the cavern opened ahead with many choices for a path ahead. She could sense that Bartrand's patience was wearing thin and hoped that Anders' maps were accurate. She sat on a large rock a few hundred feet from the camp, facing a small stream that ran alongside the cavern wall.

Clea had to admit that she was impressed by what the dwarves had made. She had never been this far into the Deep Roads before. The labyrinth of tunnels was impressive, as was the system of streams that kept them from dehydration. She was still trying to adjust to the darkness, however. The lights from camp were casting her shadow on the wall in front of her. She was ready to find riches and leave. However, she didn't yet have a long-term plan for when she returned. The hope was to find enough to not have to work for the smuggler any more. She hated exposing her sister and mother to that sort of life.

The sound of a stone entering the stream caused Clea to jerk her head up and look back toward the camp. Fenris had stopped mid-stride. "I'm sorry, Hawke. I didn't mean to startle you."

She wasn't in the mood for talking, but she knew of all people, Fenris would understand. She just nodded and waited for him to state why he sought her out.

"Is something troubling you, Hawke?"

Hawke's eyebrows involuntarily shot up. She had not been expecting a personal question. "I… have a lot on my mind. Can't sleep. What about you?"

He took this as an invitation to come closer and sat on a rock near hers, facing the stream.

"Neither can I."

Just as Hawke had hoped, silence had comfortably settled. It was reassuring to not feel like she had to make him laugh or live up to any expectations. With him she could just be; a characteristic that she hadn't yet experienced with any of her other companions. They both watched the stream, but out of the corner of her eye she saw the focused look on his face. She wondered what was keeping him up, but knew he wouldn't answer even if she asked.

"I'm worried about Bethany." The words tumbled out.

Fenris was just as startled as Hawke, but was careful to try not to show it. He stayed silent, but locked eyes with Clea and she could feel it. He didn't need to speak. She felt his compassion and concern.

After several more minutes reflecting in the stream, Clea's eyes became heavy and she stood to leave.

"Hawke, there is no need to worry. We will make it out. You will be safe."

Hawke nodded and walked toward her tent. "It's not me I'm worried about," she mumbled as she got in the tent with her remaining sibling.

Finally, they were headed out. Backstabbing Bartrand had betrayed them for an idol. Then they had slain a demon-wraith and a giant rock wraith. Thankfully they had found more than enough treasures to compensate all of their troubles. Hawke hadn't paused long enough to let all of the events of the day fully sink in. That would wait until she got home. According to the map, they only had a few miles left.

Hawke was joking with Varric when she heard her sister's faint voice, "Clea? I… I don't feel well."

Hawke turned in enough time to see her sister crumple to the rock floor. "Bethany!" Hawke knelt down and cradled her sister's pale face in her lap. _Her face looks like Wesley's did._ Clea attempted to shake the thought out of her head. "What happened?"

"I think it was that last fight." They had run into a few Darkspawn a couple miles back. "I can feel the corruption, like Wesley did."

Hawke was numb. Varric's hand on her shoulder brought her out of her revere. Fenris was also nearby. "Hang on, Bethany. We are almost out. I'll take you home and-"

Varric's voice was low and dark. "She'll never make it in time."

Bethany began to cough and she could almost see the corruption taking over before her eyes. Hawke lightly touched her sister's face. "Please, Clea, don't let me turn into one of those monsters."

_No. I can't do it. I won't._ "I was supposed to protect you," she whispered. _This isn't real._

"Sister, _please_." Bethany's eyes screamed pain.

Hawke begrudgingly took the small knife out of her boot and put it to her sister's heart.

Bethany managed a small, weak smile. "I'll say hello to Carver for you."

"I love you," was all Hawke could manage before closing her eyes and pressing on the hilt with both hands.


	4. Chapter 4

Over a year had passed, but Hawke's life had completely changed. What had been a family of four in a tiny house in Lowtown had become a family of two in a large estate. Clea sat on the couch in front of the roaring fire, sipping on wine. She tried to spend as much time with her mother as she could with Bethany gone. That goal had been difficult to accomplish due to her work load. Issues with the Qunari had ignited and the Viccount was relying on her to help contain the problem. Hawke had also been roped into helping people she had met during her first few years in Kirkwall. Even though she now lived in Hightown, she still had a heart for her fellow countrymen and those who were down and out.

Bodan, Sandal, and Oranna kept Hawke's mother busy, but she felt guilty for not spending more of her free time with her. The truth was, every time she looked at her mother, she was reminded of how she had failed Bethany, and Carver. Leandra seemed to be recovering well, but Hawke struggled to stop the guilt. _Why her? Why Bethany and not me?_ Hawke took another drink and lay back in the pillows.

Her mother had not taken the news well, and rightfully so. A few of her closest companions had offered support and condolences. Anders had admitted to having the beginnings of feelings for Bethany; it had taken several months for him to recover. Fenris said little, but was always there when she needed him. Hawke needed the jobs just as much as they needed her.

Leandra was still at Gamlin's, on her weekly visit, and Hawke was waiting patiently for Fenris. Hawke sometimes missed living in Lowtown, so close to the Hanged Man. Living in Hightown did have its advantages though, such as living very close to Fenris. When she had given him a book as a gift, it was revealed that he couldn't read. Since then, Fenris had come over about once a week for lessons. Some nights were better than others. Hawke had quickly learned that the lessons were a little less stressful if she had some sort of alcohol in her system first.

Hawke set her glass on the table and was about to walk the room when she spotted Fenris. At first he would bring the book, but a after a few lessons Hawke had convinced him to leave it on her table. She was about to sit back, but Fenris stayed standing. Hawke noticed he looked especially distraught. "Is something wrong?" she asked, standing up. Hawke had noticed that as of late Fenris had again become very focused on finding his former master.

He shook his head and moved toward to couch. "It is no matter."

"Denarius?" Her voice was barely audible.

Fenris looked up from his newly-occupied seat on the couch. His eyebrows creased and he gave a tight nod. His glassy, green eyes shimmered. A slight pain in her heart reminder her of how much she wished she could help him. "When the time comes, I am here." She dared not push further. Fenris nodded again then pulled the book toward him.

Hawke heard the front door shut. Fenris knew the cue to leave. Hawke's mother had not been too fond of her house guest. "The elven slave" he mother would call him. Hawke would want to scream, "He is not a slave!" but always bit her tongue. Leandra never called him this to his face, but Fenris had taken the hint from her body language. He stood to leave, but Hawke halted him with her words. "I'm headed outside Kirkwall tomorrow and would appreciate it if you join me." She unconsciously held her breath.

"Of course, Hawke."

She nodded and grinned in thanks. She followed him out in case he had to face her mother. As they walked through the front room, Hawke noticed that Bodan and Sandal had already left for bed. _Mother was out later than normal_. Hawke opened the door to let him out, but he paused under the frame and turned toward her. "Thank you, Hawke." He stood for a moment in silence, eyes locked on hers. Her breath caught. His white locks of hair contrasted against lightly-tanned skin. His bright green eyes seemingly peering into her thoughts. He blinked, then left.

Hawke slowly shut the door, leaned back on it, and let out a large exhale. _I'm falling for him_. She didn't want to admit it, but she felt it. Any time he was in close proximity she felt her heart jump and her thoughts go fuzzy. More than that, she felt a deep compassion for him that she hadn't experienced before. She wanted to always be there for him, to comfort him in times of trouble. She knew they weren't motherly feelings because she would also catch herself staring at his markings and wondering where they went. She knew that Fenris at least trusted her some, but wasn't sure how deep his feelings went for her. Above all, she knew that Fenris would need to make the first move, if there was to be one.

In the morning, Avaline, Fenris, and Isabella had met at Hawke's mansion. They made their way to the Wounded Coast to follow up on some leads for various missions. Clea was listening to Aveline and Isabella bicker when she saw him, or rather them. Fenris moved to stand next to her. "Hunters," he muttered under his breath.

The men stood up on one of the cliffs and clearly had been loking and waiting for Fenris. "Stop right there!" The apparent leader of the group shouted. "You are in possession of stolen property! Hand over the slave!"

Hawke felt her blood begin to boil. "_Fenris_ is a free _man_!" She shouted back. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Fenris smirk.

"Don't make me repeat myself," the man shouted back, raising his sword. "Hand over the slave!"

Hawke heard Fenris give a low growl. "I am not your slave!" he bellowed and charged forward. The three ladies followed suit, charging up toward the group of men.

In a matter of minutes, only one of the mages remained. Before Hawke could question him, Fenris charged up and held the man's head by his hair. Hawke looked off toward the water; she couldn't bring herself to watch. She knew that Fenris was trained to kill and had an ugly temper, but she didn't enjoy watching his fury in action.

She heard Fenris demand the man tell him where "he" was. Hawke, and everyone present, knew that Fenris was referring to Dinarus. Hawke flinched when she heard the man cry out in pain. The man swore he didn't know where he was, but said that a woman named Hadrianna had brought them and she was in holding caves north of the city. The man's hope for survival was almost palatable. Hawke almost wished she could warn him of the likely impending doom. The man said he could show Fenris where, but Fenris assured him that he just where to look. The man predictably begged for his life, but she heard Fenris tell him that he had chosen the wrong master. She heard the sickening cracking noise, then silence.

Knowing it was over, Hawke turned back toward the scene. Fenris came charging her way. Aveline and Isabella were paying attention, but stood back several feet."Hadrianna," he spat. "I should have known. She is my old master's apprentice. If she is here, it is at her bidding." He looked down and said more quietly, "I knew he wouldn't let this go." Hawke thought back to his worries the night before. "We need to go before she had time to prepare or escape." Hawke looked to Aveline and Isabella and both nodded.

"Lead the way," She said softly. She meant what she had said the previous night and she planned to make good on the promise. He needed resolution and this Hadrianna appeared to be an important piece.

Fenris charged ahead, causing the ladies to almost jog to keep up. The ladies stayed silent but he would occasionally turn his head to provide more information. "The caves used to hold slaves. Let us hope she is still there." Hawke could tell they were etting closer. Fenris was slowing down and he was getting more talkative. "Handriana," he spat again. "She used to torture me; hound my sleep and deny me meals." Hawke shivered. She couldn't imagine anyone treating another human being that way, especially him.

They approached the cave, "This is it," he declared. The four took a collective breath and entered.

After defeating her men and pinning her to the ground, Hawke deferred to Fenris to deal with Hadriana. She knew he needed the closure. Again, she could only listen. His anger was to the point that his markings were lit, though not yet to full capacity. Hawke stepped back and looked down at her boots. She heard Hadriana tell Fenris that he had a sister and that she was safe. She heard Fenris promise he would release her if she provided more information. Hawke knew this promise was for not. After he got all that he could out of her, she heard his markings flare and then silence.  
She felt a breeze as he walked by her quickly. "We're done here," he said under his breath.

Hawke jerked her head up, flustered. "Don't you want to talk about it?"

Suddenly he whirled around. "No, I don't want to talk about it!" His voice was raised. "this could have been a trap. Dinarius could have sent her here to tell me about this 'sister'. Even if he didn't, trying to find her would still be suicide." He paused. Hawke saw a glimmer of hope in his eyes, but then it was gone. "But all that matters is that I got to crush that bitch's heart. May she rot, and all the other mages with her." Fenris and turned his back and walked a few steps away.

Hawke waiting a few beats, then stepped closer. "Maybe we should leave," she said softly. She placed a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off.

"Don't comfort me," he spat, then turned to face her. Hawke felt her face pale. "You saw what was done here. There will always be some reason or some excuse why mages need to do this. Even if I found my sister, who knows what the Magisters have done to her. What does magic touch that it doesn't spoil?" It was a rhetorical question, but he paused for a moment, staring at her. His face fell. "I… need to go." Fenris put his gauntleted hand to his forehead and turned to leave. Hawke, Aveline, and Isabella stayed behind to clean up and give him some needed space.

Clea was on her way back from the Hanged Man. She had filled Varric in on the days' events. She had asked him not to document the story. At first he seemed to agree out of obligation, but by the end assured her that he wouldn't speak of it again. He said he would invite Fenris for a drink in the next few days, just the two of them, in an effort to provide support. Hawke had also mentioned that she had run into an elven slave, Orianna, and agreed to take her on as household staff. Varric made some joke about Fenris having a fit, but Hawke assured him that she wanted Oranna to learn some self-confidence and be an employee, like Bowdan. Varric agreed that it was the best possible outcome.

Hawke had left her large weapon at home, but had pleanty of protection hidden under her pants and buttoned blouse. Darkness had fallen while she had been at the Hannged Man. Part of her visiting Varric had been to forget about Fenris. She had dropped by his mansion after returning from the Wounded Coast, but it was empty. This had caused worry, and Varric plus alcohol had presented itself as a logical remedy. It had worked for a time, but she found herself worrying again. He had left so suddenly. Hawke pulled her hair tie out and pushed open the door to her home. She sighed, and shut and barred the door. She turned toward the front room and headed for a hot bath. Movement to her right caused her to freeze. It was Fenris. In her home, sitting on the bench in her front hallway.

He stood and approached her. "I've been thinking about what happened with Hadriana. I took my anger out on you, undeservedly so. I was… not myself. I'm sorry." His tone was light; he certainly wasn't begging for forgiveness.

Hawke's throat had gone dry from the surprise appearance, but he patiently waited for an answer. "I didn't know where you had gone. I was concerned." It was the truth.

"I… needed to be alone." His eyes darkened and he turned away. "When I was still a slave, Hadriana was a torment. She would redicule me, deny my meals and hound my sleep. Because of my status I was powerless to respond and she knew it." He turned back toward Hawke. "The thought of her slipping out of my grasp now… I couldn't let her go. I wanted to but I couldn't."

Hawke stifled her surprise. It was good to hear that some part of him wanted to show mercy. Or is that what he meant? "What do you mean?" Hawke could sense that he was in a more talkative mood than usual and was likely willing to answer her questions.

"This _hate_… I thought I'd gotten away from it. But it dogs me no matter where I go. To feel it again, to know it was they who planted it inside me… It was too much to bare." Fenris broke eye contact and made a dismissive sound. "I didn't come here to burden you further," he muttered. He turned away, preparing to leave.

Hawke didn't think about what she was doing, it just happened. Her compassion for him was overwhelming. "You don't need to leave, Fenris." She reached out and lightly touched his arm, fully prepared for him to shrug it off again.

His markings flared a light blue and suddenly Hawke felt herself being shoved backward against the wall. He held eye contact and she braced herself for an attack. Clea saw the surprise and aggression melt away from his eyes the longer they stared. His markings went out. His handsome face was so close she could hear and feel his breath. _This is it_, Hawke told herself, _my chance to see if he truly feels the way I do_. His hands still held her arms pinned to the wall and he hadn't moved or tried to walk away. It felt like electricity was running through _her_ veins.

Fenris released her arms and Hawke leaned forward. Suddenly, she felt his lips on hers. She let her eyes flutter closed. They felt as smooth and wonderful as they had looked. Emboldened by his reception of the kiss, she held his upper-arms, turned him, and pushed him toward the wall where she had just been. The movement broke their kiss and he gave a small groan when he hit the wall. Clea saw it in his eyes and face: he wanted her too. She approached him to resume the kiss; he gave no objections with words or body language.

When their mouths met this time, he gently opened her lips with his tongue to deepen the kiss. Her hands rested on the wall on both sides of his head. His legs spread slightly, allowing her to lean on his body completely. Clea felt his gauntleted hands on her lower back, and it felt like they were slowly moving lower. She let out a small sigh when their lips parted slightly. All of the kissing and emotions were making her slightly dizzy. For Hawke, it was bliss knowing that he reciprocated her feelings. She tried to ignore the inner voice that told her she was just taking advantage of his vulnerable state.

She felt him leave the wall, pushing her slowly backwards. The rest of the house's residents had gone to bed, so Hawke allowed him to slowly walk them toward her room. She was grateful she'd had the foresight to show him the room briefly when giving him a tour of the mansion before his first lesson. Clea enjoyed going up the stairs; being level with him, then stretching down to maintain contact with his lips. The kisses were becoming deeper and hungrier.

They broke contact when they reached her door. Clea leaned back against it, and Fenris leaned forward with his hands braced on the door above her head. She held his gaze in silence, asking for permission without words. After a few moments, he moved to open the door. She walked in backwards as he continued to face her but didn't touch her. She was afraid to touch him first, surprised that they had made it as far as they did. She felt the back of her legs touch the bed frame and stopped. He never dropped eye contact, which was beginning to unnerve her, but the intensity present in those eyes was almost palatable. Clea struggled to take in a breath.

Fenris gently wrapped one of his arms around her waist, and with the other gently moved them both onto the bed with eyes still connected. She had wondered where this Fenris had come from; or was it, where had he been before? If she was his first in a while, it didn't show. He finally broke eye contact, to trail kisses down her neck. Goosebumps quickly followed behind the kisses. _Finally_, she thought.


	5. Chapter 5

The sun was beginning to set, but Hawke still hadn't left her bed. _"I'm sorry Hawke, I can't". _Fenris' words still echoed in her mind, mocking her. It had been the most perfect night, better than she could have ever imagined. His touches had been sweet and gentle, and his words reassuring and warm. Falling asleep together and being held by him had been bliss. All of it had fallen apart when she had woken up to him preparing to leave.

Hawke thought she had been reading Fenris' intentions loud and clear, but it seemed she had been receiving mixed signals. Orianna knocked on the door again; Hawke had lost count. "Mistress Hawke, I've left some food by the door for you." She had no intentions of getting it, but appreciated the offer. Clea had convinced herself that if she thought about it long enough, she would find an answer. So far, all she had was that he had needed to let off some steam and she had taken advantage of him when he was vulnerable. So many times she had wanted to erase what happened, but yet she didn't want to let go of the small hope that he had meant everything he had said and done.

It had taken about six months and Hawke was finally back to completing her optimum amount of missions a week. She hadn't asked the white-haired elf to join the group on any of them yet; she had decided to leave it up to him to make the first move. After all, she had told herself, it was him who had rejected her. Clea had internally kicked herself for leaving herself so open to him, but that frustration at herself often gave way to anger at him for not clarifying his lack of feeling sooner. Fenris' skill in the party was missed, but no one mentioned it. Hawke had the suspicion that Varric had found out and warned everyone else not to mention it.

After a long day of trying to quell the tensions of the Qunari and the people of Kirkwall, she headed to the Hanged Man to see Varric. That morning, Bodhan had brought up a letter from Varric requesting aid, something involving his brother. Clea couldn't care less about that back-stabbing dwarf, but she would do anything for her trusty Varric.

Clea bid farewell to Anders and Merril, but she felt the presence of Isabella still behind her, likely headed to the same location. As of late, it seemed that the rest of her crew had appeared distant and distracted. She knew they had their own lives, but it had seemed much more noticeable. Isabella sped up to match her stride. "Can I buy you drink, Hawke."

"Sure, but I'm looking for Varric specifically."

"Fine with me," Isabella answered matter-of-factly. Clea could sense that the silence as they walked made Isabella feel uncomfortable. "So… you and the elf…"

Clea stiffened. "What about Merril?"

"Hawke, you know who I mean," she chided.

Hawke kept her silence as they entered the tavern. She knew she would talk about it at some point to someone, but it wasn't the time or the person. Once she stepped in, she froze. His white hair stood out first, then it was his deep voice that she heard from the other side of the room. He was sitting with _her _dwarf. She felt a hand on her arm, then a voice in her ear, "Come on Hawke, how about that drink I owe you?" Her body felt numb, but soon she was sitting at the bar.

It sounded like Isabella was babbling about her dream ship, but Hawke was only half paying attention. After what seemed like far too long, she saw the white-haired elf leave. "Come on, Sweet Thing. Let's go chat with Varric." She knew seeing the elf again would affect her, but not as badly as it was. Clea set down her empty mug and followed.

Another six months had passed, and Clea was finally able to see the elf and not freeze up. He still had not joined in on any missions, but she sent him coin monthly anyway. So much had continued to change in the group, and Hawke could shake the feeling of dread. The city felt like it was on the verge of exploding, figuratively or literally.

It went without saying, but the elf had stopped attending his reading lessons, and the book remained in Hawke's library. She started at it on the table, collecting dust, while she sipped her wine. When she looked at the clock, she furrowed her brow. Her mother should have been home by now. She finished her glass of wine and decided to head to bed early.

The next morning, as she was preparing to leave, Bodhan stopped her. "Pardon Mistress, but your mother has yet to return."

Hawke felt her heart skip a beat. "When did she leave?"

"I'm… I'm not sure, ma'am. And these lilies were left for her."

Another skipped beat. "Oh no," she breathed. Without another word, she left the mansion. First she would check Gamlin's, then gather a party she knew she could trust.

Gamlin hadn't seen her in days, and Hawke realized that with the high tensions, she had kept late hours and hasn't been the most observant when it came to her mother. Back in the mansion, she planed her approach. She had sent word for Avaline and Varric to join her, two she knew she could trust. She hadn't decided on third, but thought it might not be necessary.

"It can't be him, it can't be him," she whispered to herself, pacing the floor in the entry. She prayed to anyone who would listen that it wasn't the murderer who had been attacking the women of Kirkwall.

Clea stopped her pacing at a knock on the door. Before she or Bodhan could answer the door, it opened and Aveline appeared. She wore a very concerned expression. "Hawke, I got here as soon as I could. I'm so sorry." Her face took on a stern expression as she put a hand on Clea's shoulder and waited for eye contact. "We will find her."

Hawke nodded and looked away. "Any idea where Varric is?"

"He should arrive soon. We can go over the plan when he arrives." She let out a deep breath, "Assuming there is a plan."

"There is. I know it's dark, but I'm hoping it will make him easier to find."

"_Him_?"

In answer, Hawke pointed to the lilies not far from them. She heard Aveline suck in a breath.

"Hawke, you don't think it's _him_, do you?"

"It fits his MO, but I'm hoping it's a coincidence."

There was another knock at the door and it slowly opened. Hawke began to smile slightly at the sight of Varric in the doorway, but her face fell when she saw the elf. The dwarf's hands went up in a surrender gesture, "Before you say anything Hawke, we were playing wicked grace when I got word and he begged to come with me." Clea saw the elf wince at the word "begged" and she inwardly chuckled.

The elf continued to stand in the doorway and Hawke wouldn't let her eyes linger on him. "Fine. Fenris can stay." In that moment, Clea realized she had been unconsciously refusing to speak his name since that night a year ago.


End file.
